Naked blogging, first edition

I recently learned about naked blogging.  We all use our blogs as a sort of online, public journal, but so rarely do we really speak from the heart.  Most of my blog is about silly things the kids or the dogs did or funny quips between Man and I.  I use my blog to express myself, inform others about things I find important and hopefully entertain along the way.  Now I would like to also use my blog to help others see that just because you may seem "normal" (okay, we all know I'm not normal, but I can put on the "normal" hat from time to time!) on the outside doesn't mean you don't have a lot going on on the inside.  I hope to make this a regular thing and invite you to join in.  Whether you write your own blog post and leave a link in comments, just leave a quick comment or email me directly (karenfosters (dot) tumblr (at) gmail (dot) com) I'm really looking forward to opening the dialog, stripping it down and getting naked.

Mother's Day last year was pretty rough.  It was super close to the one year anniversary of The Boy leaving and it seemed like there were reminders everywhere and the days leading up to it were tear-filled.  I even ended up missing out on celebrating Mother's Day with my own mom and BBS because I just couldn't put on a happy face and didn't want to be a mess in front of the monkeys.  This year things are different.  No, I'm not a mother.  I never will be.  But I'm starting to come to terms with that.  I've known for a long time that the odds of me ever having my own children were slim to none but when The Boy called me Mommy my heart melted and I thought maybe I didn't need to give birth to be someone's mommy.  Then reality hit and I realized fostering is even tougher than I'd expected and I knew I needed someone in it with me.  Time passed and I realized that as I got older, the odds of finding someone who wanted to foster and/or adopt grew less and less.  Let's face it, by the time a guy is my age, he either has kids or don't want kids.  I think that's part of the reason why Mother's Day was so hard last year.  I realized the my only chance at being called Mommy had left me nearly a year before. 

So why do I think this year will be easier?  Well, for one thing, we celebrated Mother's Day a day early this year.  I know that doesn't seem much different, but the day of will always be the hardest, and tomorrow I'll be at work, training my new guy and keeping my mind busy with pools and customers instead of lost chances.  But more importantly, I have an incredible man and three beautiful little girls in my life.  And while I will never be their mommy (nor will I ever try to be), I get to be their step mommy, and I'm learning that that just might be enough.