Post-foster life

In my experience, DCS encourages foster parents to stay involved even after a case ends and I believe that is the best thing for the child.  Why create another loss for a child who has already gone through so much?  I knew when I chose to foster that I planned to stay as involved as possible but sometimes it's just not an option - sometimes the biological or adoptive parents don't want the ex-foster parents around, sometimes the child would rather not have contact, sometimes the child moves far away and visits just aren't feasible.  What I didn't realize before I started fostering, though, is that this is a life long commitment, even if you're not still in contact with the kids.  

My kids have been on my mind a LOT lately.  Each missed birthday, each event's anniversary (a child being placed with me, a child leaving, a special thing we did together), and of course, communication with anyone else involved in the case, makes me miss my kids that much more.  An old friend recently contacted me wanting to know how my kids are doing and it broke my heart that for one I was able to give a full update (obviously omitting any identifying details) but for another all I could say was "I hear Xxxxxxxxx is doing well" because I haven't seen the child, heard from the adoptive parents or gotten an update from DCS.  This time last year I had a beautiful little one tell me, "Happy Mother's Day, Mommy!"; late this month will be one year since I've had any kids in my home.  What a change.  They say time heals all wounds.  I'm waiting.  As I was getting ready for work, an old Carrie Underwood song came on.  As I listened to the words of "Temporary Home," I started thinking about my kids, how much I miss them and how I provided one of their temporary homes and my heart broke a little more for them.  As I sit here writing this I'm tearing up again, hoping that they know that no matter where they are, what they do in life or how often (or if) we see each other, they have a forever home in my heart.