Sometimes...

...you see it coming from a mile away.  Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries.  You know it's going to be a rough day, so you surround yourself with family and friends or find some way to keep your mind off of it.  Other times, you're driving along, minding your own business and things seem to be going well.  You're e-mailing the girl since you can't see her right now, remembering the boy when you pass places you took him a lot, and for the most part, things are okay.  And then it hits you, like a Mack truck.  You have your sister's kids for the day and she is nice enough to bring them to your house so you can get stuff done and it reminds you of how great it is to have kids in the house.  Then Princess is sleepy and snugly and missing her mama and she slips up and calls you Mommy.  It's rough, but you're also loving spending time with the monkeys, so you power through.  Then the next morning, you wake up in an empty house and find one of the boy's favorite toys in the middle of the living room floor and it's your total undoing.  It's those days that you almost call DCS and renew your license.  Almost.