Counting the days to the Aurora Farmer's Fair

Driving home from Schmo's birthday party last night, our oldest and I were playing the alphabet game, where you name a category and come up with something in that category for every letter of the alphabet.  Our category was food, so we did apple, banana, cantaloupe, dragonfruit, eggplant, fennel (and on and on) and it just now occurred to me that we did eggplant and fennel instead of elephant ears and funnel cakes.  Clearly we need festival season to get here quickly!

Calling all moms

And cosmetologists.  And wedding planners.  And anyone else who has an honest opinion on this one.

In many ways, our oldest is more mature than her age, but in so many others she's just a baby.  I think going through the divorce put her in a rough spot and she has sometimes been put in the position of being the other adult in one house or the other.  I have seen Man put responsibilities on her that I don't think she should have (little things like taking her sisters to the restroom when we go out to eat or being the one in charge while he works from home) and you can tell just from spending time with her that her mother has done the same, though even more so.  She is quite the mother hen to her sisters and doesn't call them by their names or "my sisters", but always calls them "the little girls" and gets upset if you remind her that she is little, too.

It's tough, because she's 10, so she's right at that age where she thinks she's big and she's well on her way, but she's still a child.  This is evidenced by the fact that she still needs tucked in every night, still wants me to brush her hair and still needs Man to make her plate and cut her meat at dinner.

So here's the deal: I'm battling our 10 year old on the makeup issue right now.  She wants to wear makeup for the wedding and I told her we could do a little.  Then her mom bought her clear mascara and she suddenly thinks that's an every day thing.  In fact, our middle child was going through the bag they took to the sitter's today (my awesome cousin has the girls today and was going to take them to the pool until the weather turned sour) and found a bag of makeup our oldest had packed, even though I've told her countless times she is not to take it places.  So now that the little bit of makeup I was going to allow for the wedding has become the norm, since her mom gave it to her without clearing it with Man or me.  This wouldn't be such an issue, except she thinks she has to do more than what she does every day for the wedding, so now she has decided she needs black mascara for the wedding.  Bear in mind, not only is she 10, but she's got red hair and a porcelain complexion.  Black mascara is going to make her look like a raccoon!

So today when we were duking it out in the car on the way to our dress fitting before I had to be at work, I got to thinking about what I did when I was 10.  And unfortunately, I'm pretty sure I had the clear mascara back then.  The difference was, BBS is 3 years older than me, so I pretty much got things when she did, so I was ahead of the curve, while our oldest is (obviously) the oldest and I am so NOT ready for the other 2 to be wearing ANY makeup!  So here's where I need help: do Man and I make her put the clear mascara away somewhere when she's here so it will be a special thing for the wedding or allow the clear mascara as a daily thing and then allow more for the wedding?  And if we go that route, just how far do I let her push it for the wedding?  I KNOW I'm not going to let her do black mascara, but does anyone have any other suggestions?  Help!

Some people

Customer (on the phone): "The cord is pulling away from the plug on my pump.  Do you have a new adapter cord?"

Me: "Yes, it's $12.99 and we have them in stock."

C: "Do you think I need a new one or could I just wrap it in electrical tape?"

Me: "You might be able to get away with that over night but it doesn't sound very safe as a long term solution (then in my head) but hey, if it's worth risking electrocuting your family to save $13.83 with tax, go for it!"

Have I ever mentioned that I work at a pool supply store?

Facebook PM between my old "new girl" and me

• (work talk that I won't bore you with.  Now that she works at a different store, we often keep facebook up at work so we can chat in between customers.)
• 

  5:46pm
  

  Karen
  

  
  

  Is anyone else finding it a little ridiculous that we're fb messaging and texting?

  That's a good idea
• 

  5:51pm
  

  H
  

  
  

  i know lol we are weird
• 

  5:52pm
  

  Karen 
  

  
  

  but awesome
• 

  5:52pm
  

  H
  

  
  

  excatly lol

Potty mouths

Yes, I really mean poop talk.  If you're not amused by poop humor, maybe skip this one.  You've been warned.  Also, potty mouth language, just a heads up.

Last night, as Man and I were preparing for bed we were talking about our days and trying to figure out why we both had such bad headaches.  Headache talk always leads to analysing what I've eaten over the course of the past day or two, because usually I can track my aches and pains back to eating an allergen and last night was no different.  Man started with my intake yesterday and eventually got back to the three ears of corn on the cob I'd eaten at our 4th of July cookout.  Yes, I know better, but come on, it's corn on the cob on the 4th of July and you just can't pass that up!  So as we're talking food intake and he mentioned the corn, I burst out with "so that's why I shit my brains out today!" and we both moaned at my over sharing but then laughed uncontrollably, with Man commenting on how inappropriate I am and inquiring as to whether I was going to discuss texture and color.  I pretended I was disgusted, so Man launched into a description of his "frothy" poo, saying he had a crappuccino and we again dissolved into fits of laughter.

It's true that we're gross.  It's true that we overshare.  It's true that we're horribly inappropriate.  But it's also true that we really enjoy each other and can have more fun brushing our teeth together than I could have with some past boyfriends actually going out and doing some fun activity together.  I really am so lucky to love someone who loves me not only for my good, appropriate side, but also for the silly, dirty, inappropriate, craziness that is me!

Damn cat

The dogs sleep gated in with us so Brady can have free reign of the house during the night, since the dogs rule during the day.  Every morning when he hears Man and I stirring, Brady comes to the gate at our bedroom door and starts meowing.  When I get up to let the dogs out, Brady usually stays put next to the door and the dogs go by without encounter but some mornings he stands crosswise in the hall so we cannot pass, meowing like he's distressed that the dogs are coming toward him.  It's like he can't figure out that the dogs couldn't care less if he's there or not, as long as they can get to the back door to go out to potty.  I can't decide if he thinks he's so special that he just can't wrap his head around the fact that the dogs don't care or if he is literally scared stiff!

And this is why I love you

Text conversation between Man and I:

Me: "We keep saying we're going to put that wine in the fridge and then not thinking about it when we're home to do it.  You're home and I'm thinking about it.  Just saying."

Man: "Ok.  It's in the refrigerator."

Me: "And this is why I love you :)"

Man: "That's why?"

Me: "Because you humor me and don't question my ridiculous logic, all the while spoiling me by enabling me to drink on a work night?  Umm...yeah."

Me: "That and the millions of other reasons why you're amazing!"

Man: "If you say so."

Yep, he's all that and modest, too!

I've become one of those women

It was purely unintentional. I just realized it. And I think I'm going crazy. I've lived on my own for so long I've learned to take care of just about anything around the house on my own. Yet somehow when Man moved in and started helping with things I became I've if those helpless women who relies on her man to take care of her. The biggest problem, though is not that it's not me, but that it's causing fights between us. I can admit I've spent a good portion of the past weeks (since Man started his new job and is helping around the house less) irritated with him. But there's no reason to be! Man said he'd install the new under sink trash system we bought (it's one I'd those ones that slides out for easy access) weeks ago but it's been sitting in the garage ever since. Yesterday Lolly got into the trash and Man and I both ended up irritated, though for different reasons. Man was upset with Lolly for getting into the trash while I was upset with Man, because the whole mess could have been avoided if Man had installed that darn trash system. But today it hit me: why am I upset with Man when I could have installed it just as easily? Yes, Man said he'd do it and should have done what he said he was going to do, but it's my house too and it's about time I start acting like it. I'm so lucky to love a Man who puts up with me getting irritated with him and lets me come to these realizations on my own instead of beating me over the head with them! For the record, I installed the new trash system this morning.

The butt of every joke

Man: "Your damn dog is licking himself again."

Me: "He's anxious!  That's how he expresses himself."

Man: "He's like an alcoholic, but with licking his crotch."

Me: "Is there such a thing as crotch lickers anonymous?"

Warning: Grumpy Karen ahead

I'm having a day.  I promise Happy Karen will be back tomorrow, but today you're getting Grumpy Karen.  Deal with it.  I'm tired, I'm working someone else's store and it's dirty and unorganized and I'm tired.  Or did I say that one already?  I'm not sure, I'm tired.  In the past 12 days I've had 1 day off (the vast majority of which I spent on the road to visit The Girl and at a meeting for The Arc) and worked 83 hours, not counting the 10+ hours I will have worked by the end of the day today and the 12ish hours I'll work tomorrow.  Oh, and I'm working all weekend.  So please forgive me if I'm a little tired.  And grumpy.

So here it is: I just can't understand how some people can be so incredibly stupid and still have the confidence to speak.  I don't know how many times today I just wanted to throttle someone just for opening their mouth.  Thankfully I'm a professional, and I maintained what my employees call my "customer voice" but on the inside I was screaming "SHUT UP!!!"  I am beyond ready for this day to be over so I can go home, get a hug from Man and crash.  Who's going to bring me a beer?!

I want.

Have you heard of the NapTV?  This thing is a stool you can sit on, but on the under side there's a TV, so you can lay it on its side to lay on your side or belly to watch TV or you can stand it up over your head so you can lay flat on your back to watch your favorite show.  I think the idea is that it helps drown out the outside noise so you can just get to sleep, but in my opinion, it's scary and a sad commentary on how lazy we are.  And I need one.  I mean, seriously, how many times do I fall asleep on the couch watching a show only to go to bed and be wide awake?  If I could take my show to bed with me, once I fell asleep Man could just put the NapTV on the floor and I'd never know the difference!  I know what you're thinking, "Karen, why not just watch a show on the TV in your bedroom?" but then you have to sit up and when you fall asleep you're all scrunchy or you lay down to watch it and then you get a crick in your neck from trying to angle your head enough to lay down but still see the TV, it's really a pain.  Ahh, first world problems.  If only I were lazy enough to think it was actually worth it!